OH MY FUCKING GOD.  Sexual tension between Eric and I has been mounting yet again, and I’m thinking that another sack session is soon to be on the agenda.  I kinda feel like the first time we fucked might have been mediocre just because of first fuck jitters.  I mean, every one has those, right? 

Today at work-just as I am slowly allowing myself to flirt with Eric more openly and entertaining the idea of giving him another chance to prove that hes not just a bunny fucker–a bombshell drops.  His girlfriend, Lauren, comes into visit.  NO.  This cannot, cannot, CANNOT be fucking happening.  Not that the guilt is really eating me up inside anymore (I helped myself get over it with a bottle of Cuervo) but what if she figures us out?  This bitch is a good foot taller than me and relatively ghetto fab.  She can beat me down.  Now, I’m fiesty, but I know when I’m clearly outmatched, and the last thing I need is a bruise across the side of my face just for the prospect of another average lay.

“Hey, Lauren!” I say, wayyyyyyy too politely.

 ”Oh, hi.” She shoots the DIRTIEST look in my direction, turns to speak to Eric for a good ten minutes, making sure to hug and kiss him plenty of times during her conversation, in between giving me dirty looks to make sure I’m noticing.  Bitch is trying to school me.  HELL FUCKING NO.

Finally, after she finally runs out of steam in her middle school attempt to mark her territory, she passes by me on the way out the door.  I’m not letting her go this easily.

 ”Bye, Lauren!”  I yell, obnoxiously loudly.  “I’m REALLY sorry you won’t be able to come to the next store party.  They really are so much more fun when you’re there. Don’t worry, though, I’ll take care of Eric for you!”  I smile after giving my little speech, way too brightly for it to be sincere.  This bitch’s head almost came off, fuming out of the store.  Lauren:0; Me:7 billion.  But who’s counting?