So, on my recent spring break (Can I get a whoot! for a week of drinking, tanning and all around debauchery?), my roommates and I decided to road trip it down to South Carolina for a week of lounging on the beach and substance abuse.  During the St. Patty’s Day parade in the small town (Can I get a whoot! for a day of green beer, Irish Car Bombs and all around debauchery?), my roomie Cate and I decided to hang out of our car window during a particularly bad stretch of traffic.  I spy with my little eye a HOT ASS group of guys.  We asked for their numbers, struggled to understand what the fuck they were saying with those accents, and finally took them down.

Two nights later, during a particularly boring spell in the trip, we decided to call up the boys and finally made plans to meet up with them later that night.  After enlisting Krista as our DD, we made our way (in the pitch ass darkness) to their house.  Fucking FINALLY!  Guys that weren’t wearing skinny jeans, had never stepped foot in a Bloomingdale’s and didn’t pay more than I did for a haircut.  There was one boy in particular, Beau, who really caught my eye.  He was hot, wearing ridiculous Abercrombie cologne and was a master at beer pong.  He was the one. His cute southern accent didn’t hurt matters either.

Beau and I got to talking and then he convinced me to let him give me a “tour of the house”, obviously code for “let’s fuck”.  Kissing and being thrown around by someone twice my size was strangely exhilirating, especially considereding my recent history with girlier men.  I was all about it.  I wasn’t wearing the cutest underwear in the world though, and wasn’t too into the idea of having sex within hours of meeting this kid (I’m classy, you know), so after a few minutes of hardcore making out, I asked if he’d settle for a blow job.  He, being male, accepted this negotiation.  Several minutes later, and some hard work on my part (they don’t call it a JOB for nothing), matters were taken care of.  Literally two seconds after my head was off his crotch, my roommate Cate walked into the room. 

“Hey, we’re ready to head out?  Are you pretty much set?”

“Haha, yeah.”  I fixed my now lopsided hair and gave Beau one final kiss and wink before I headed out the door.  On the car ride back, I had only one request of my now completely trashed and equally satisfied roommates.

“Hey, guys?  Do you think we can stop by the supermarket to buy some Coke?  I need to wash the taste of peen out of my mouth.”