As amazing as the Internet is ..I can honestly say that it has not contributed to my love life…or to my even getting laid lately.  I’ve tried thousands of times (well, actually just two) but both have convinced me that there is nothing quite like going to a bar, getting drunk and taking a stranger home…the NORMAL way.  Here are my two Craigslist disasters that have convinced me to never return…

1. Just two weeks ago, my friend and I were bored and lookin’ for some lovin’, so we challenged each other to a Craigslist search.  Find a hot, slutty, easy fuck for the other person to e-mail.  This plan could in no way be flawed, right?  We’d both have fun laughing at the ads posted about defecation and people with ugly photos, and possibly both end up with a hot date.  I finally e-mailed, this super hot (abs!) thug with creamy caramel skin from Harlem.  His response? The words “Hey shawty” and “Would you take it up the ass?” came just two e-mail exchanges later.  Now, I’m all for being candid, but there is no reason for anal to be brought up even before the first date.
2. This other date occured just a few months ago, and seemed rather promising at the time.  His name was Paul, he enjoyed, movies, music and shows and was actually very sweet on the phone.  It wasn’t until I met up with him for some late-night dessert that I discovered why, in fact, he was online trying to get a date.  He was a good 80 pounds overweight, wearing cargo shorts (cargo shorts!) and had a nose ring.  Not a stud, but a ring.  Oh, and he was definitely as old as my father.  (I’m talking late 40s, early 50s, here).  I thought I’d still give this a chance…or at least not run away in the opposite direction…yet.  40 minutes into the “date” he brought up his scheme for becoming a pornographer and also his good friend’s job as a hooker.  Even if he were an extremely attractive guy, there is nothing that excuses bringing up your affinity for animal porn.  No, sir.

I’m all about giving things a fair shot, but I think Craigslist creepiness has exhausted its chances in my life.  There is also the matter of the girl that was murdered just a few months ago for answering an ad on Craigslist.  What a crazy world.  A girl has to risk death just to try to get some ass…